Yesterday my brother Hal and I went to meet with Dr. R for my ongoing two week check up. I was feeling pretty damn awesome as I had been off the immunotherapy drugs for the last two weeks.
I'll be honest that I was feeling a bit ashamed that I had spent so many years not realizing how bright and shiny the world really was. The drugs made me realize that I was in a bit of a haze, I was really tired and my body felt it was working overtime. And I guess that is the purpose of the immunotherapy, it's to get my body working overtime to tackle the cancer. Going in to round two I am fully prepared to accept the fuzziness of my existence because I know that I can take drug holidays and feel spectacular.
So today, I took my pills (am on a reduced dose of three pills now) and am going in to this phase in an even more positive state of mind. It is altered however. I realize now that I was getting down on myself and wasn't really keen on staying on the drugs. The break was exactly what I needed. Kinda like grabbing a water in a squash game, or sitting on the bench in soccer. As soon as I get the break I'm even more excited to get back in. So here goes. Wish me well and keep an eye on me to see if I am as positive as I plan on being...
Now, here's the lesson in all of this. We all walk through life thinking we are living life. Well, perhaps you can take a look at it with a more critical eye. I thought I was living pretty large, I thought I was packing in a lot of life. And now, having gone through this break and being very introspective, I know I could enjoy each day a little bit more. I think you can too. Tomorrow can wait. Yesterday is in the past and it ain't changing.
My new found 'in the moment' superpower reminds me of when I was a new Dad and I would get all preachy. I would explain to single people that I now look at them as junior citizens cause they would complain about being tired, about being busy and not having time to fit anything else in to their day. I would preach that they had no clue what tired or busy was till they were a parent. I could also have explained that they would also not know how fulfilled and happy they would be till they had kids, but that was a personal choice.
Keep and eye on me and make sure I don't get all preachy again. I'm just happy to have gotten to another level in the game of life.