I wake up almost every night around 3am. I walk to the bathroom, have a pee, maybe take a Tums, drink a glass of water then jump back in to bed. I try and do this without letting a single thought enter in to my mind. If somehow a single thought sneaks in then it holds the door open for all the other thoughts to push through the door and have a party in my brain.
Waking up is not new to me since I have been on my immunotherapy, but since this has started I have found it to be a very different bedtime experience. No longer am I stressing about falling asleep instead I am much more calm about the experience and lie there listening to the wind or rain, the sound of Tracey breathing or even the cottage creaking as it shrinks and swells. This usually results in me falling asleep a bit more peacefully, which is quite nice.
But another experience has started appearing in my slumber. DREAMS and NIGHTMARES. And these are way more vivid and powerful. My meditation and mindfulness has me making connections between everything and therefor not just pushing these moments aside, but instead has me feeling there is a purpose or at least a need to think these dreams through a bit more. Partly because I am in and out of my sleep but also because I think I am much more connected to the idea and energy created by the dream-state I find that I am remembering these nocturnal NETFLIX episodes.
Some of the dreams now stay with me all day, some are pleasant and make me giggle. But others can sometimes be very very scary and mean. I don’t like those ones - they have a very powerful way of trying to drag me in to the dark forest and eat me alive. Those ones I am trying to forget as soon as possible.
Maybe I will try and describe one to see if any of you want to try and make a movie out of them.