It's a far cry from my low point this summer.
I can still see how I hurt the most important person in my life. When Tracey came in to the room and started talking to me about me being depressed I lashed out and said 'you don't know what it's like, I'm in this alone."
When I said that the wounded look on her face was so powerful that it was that moment that changed this whole process for me. I truly wasn't alone but I had just hurt the person that was doing the most to help me out.
It was the perfect timing and it is what got me out of my first, and only state of depression. And it was a deep and ugly depression. Thankfully I had Tracey to help me out and remind me I wasn't alone.
Tonight we played soccer in Superjocks. I was my usual 150 lbs of running idiocy and of course I got knocked around again. But I love it. I love playing sports, I love being competitive and I love this league of Super Jocks.
But when I got knocked down the third time, and it really hurt I looked up and saw Chris Berry's face, it was of real concern. Then I went to the bench and James, John and Maity gave me serious looks of concern. These were different than the other times in the league. Before I found myself with this cancer thingy I was hurt a lot, and people cared. But this time I could see it was different. I had this feeling that everyone was playing against me as hard as usual, but they were really fearful that I was, or am, going to get hurt.
I'm not alone, none of us are. If we get knocked down there is always someone there to pick us up.
And of course when I came home, what was the first thing my daughter asked "how was soccer, did you get hurt tonight?" And of course I answered 'yes' and she laughed...'it wouldn't be Superjocks if you didn't get hurt Dad'.
It's gonna hurt tomorrow, but tonight I am going to revel in the pain knowing that no matter what happens - I'm not alone.