On Friday I started back on my two week cycle and I've gotta tell you - I felt ripped off. I felt like I didn't get the break I was expecting. My joints still hurt and my mouth sores were still irritating me, my butt was sore and beer still didn't taste good.
Normally I get a few days of rest, days where I feel like a teenager and go a bit silly with renewed energy and disrespect for my body. This time I felt like the angst level dropped but didn't disappear.
So I was a bit bummed when I was driving to Fernie with my son for a bit of skiing.
As I drove down I was trying to figure out if this was a temporary thing or a new reality. This journey is forever changing and I feel like I have done a good job of adjusting sleep, rest, diet, attitude in order to accommodate the therapy so when the pattern changed I needed to figure it out. That's how this works.
We pulled in to town, snow was piled as high as I have ever seen it and I knew I wasn't going to let this get in the way of fun with my son. (hmm, it makes me rhyme).
Well, kapow, on Saturday we got up, went skiing and I had the time of my life. So much fun seeing everyone in the line ups, on the chairs, at lunch and eventually in the Griz bar at the end of the day.
On Saturday night once I finally got home it dawned on me. Again. So much of this is in your head and you have to work hard to overlook the small discomforts and focus on the bigger story.
I think I skied with, high fived, hugged, said hello to, clinked a rum and coke with (beer still didn't taste good but a dark rum and coke did the trick) over 40 old friends on Saturday. It was beautiful. I thoroughly enjoyed skiing with my son and my pal Phil, I loved seeing so many awesome people that I realized that stupid break can go ahead and do whatever it wants...I ain't dancing to it's tune!
Oh, and for the record, it was raining for my last four runs. That's how much I was enjoying myself...nothing was wiping the smile off my face. The ski home from the bar was almost spiritual in nature. I won't ever forget the feel of the rain on my face, the smell of a fireplace in the distance and the sound of the wind and my skis as I made my way home. I was full of joy and actually had a giggle on the last 50 yards as I knew I had just beaten cancer yet again.
Thanks everyone. You mean the world to me.
And I should also mention the roast chicken dinner made by my mother-in-law was so gosh darn tasty - thanks Geoff and Shirl, you are the best in-laws a guy could ask for. Thanks for sharing your cabin with Jack and I.
I wasn't ripped off, I had just forgotten I was on a double black run and needed to focus.