Outside looking in

A couple of weeks ago my daughter was very very sick. Turns out she had an Acute Confusional Migraine, but in the 5 hours that we were getting her diagnosed our fears ran from a stroke to a tumour. Seems we are a bit fragile these days so it’s easy to jump to conclusions.

Around 9:30 in the morning Tracey received a text from our son that Amanda was in a bad way. She was incoherent, couldn’t talk, couldn’t walk, she had thrown up, had a massive headache, was drooling and had no memory of the situation very shortly after it took place. Very scary stuff.

Tracey ended up picking her from school and taking her to the hospital emergency. I left my meeting and drove down to meet her right away at the hospital. It was a very stressful and scary few hours while we figured out what was going on.

And as you can imagine the worst part was that we couldn’t do anything for her other than to watch while she was being diagnosed.

I tell you this story as it has helped me to garner a better understanding of how hard my cancer is on my wife. She has no control, she isn’t able to do anything other than make sure I am comfortable and executing on the plan we have in place.

I on the other hand feel like I have control. I know what is going on in my mind and to a degree my body. But unless I share with her, then she is on the outside looking in. And that I can imagine is stressful.

After being given this reminder by Amanda I have tried to share a bit more with Tracey and I certainly am more conscious of how challenging her role is. She is a trooper and is juggling a lot more balls these days as a result.

My wife is my savior.

And I am a lucky man.

I love you XOT.

I just smiled.

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