Wednesday was an incredible day. A very connected and spiritual day for me. I have been putting more attention towards myself and to a degree going a bit more internal in my focus. To the outsider it may not be obvious but to me it is a significant switch in direction.
This weekend Tracey and I had a very emotional conversation regarding my health, my progress and to a degree getting a bit more acceptance of what has transpired the last three months. If I look back at my blog posts I see a ridiculous amount of time in hospitals, being attached to IV bags, multiple surgeries, and generally going from pain to no pain. All through it I have been trying to keep everything together in what I call the 'outside world' when my real deep focus has been on getting to a point where I was able to start my recliner sessions. As you know, due to the pancreatic issues it has been put off four times. And during that time I have had tumour growth in many areas (for those not counting the tumours have been found in the lungs, pancreas, liver, adrenal and somewhere in the abdomen just above the seminal vesicles) so the need to get on the new treatment is an imperative.
Ok, yer caught up.
Now back to my most glorious day.
I practiced my second session of Qi Gong and really felt my energy flowing and becoming even more positive. I am loving this healing meditation and recommend it to anyone that is open to the practice.
Actually, please excuse me but I need to share something funny about the session. As part of the practice the instructor asked us to visualize our personal happy place. She said hers was in the mountains which quickly took me to my favourite spot - being on a fast moving river in a kayak. So there I was, sitting in my kayak wearing my 30 year old wilderness tours short sleeve shirt and the sun was in my face as I moved downstream smiling. I was in my happy place.
Then the instructor said 'ok, now that you are in your happy place feel your bare feet on the ground'.
Shit, I'm in a goddam kayak. So I quickly visualized myself with my skirt around my waist and my favourite rafting shirt while standing on the shore. But the first spot I went to in my mind was really rocky and uncomfortable.
I had a big inner smile as I was quickly trying to visualize a sandy shore to stand on. Almost giggled out loud.
Finally found it and I caught up to the Qi Gong instructor and followed along.
This story is getting longer than I planned. If you want to get to the part where I disclose the most glorious moment go to the end.
After I left the session, which is at Wellspring and is a great recluse for those living with cancer, I automatically walked to the Bow river. I was drawn there of course. The experience was just too beautiful not to continue it.
I stood on the river shore listening to birds all around me. The rapids were gargling happy thoughts and the sun was shining on my face. Couldn't get any better.
I had a 2pm meeting with my Oncologist and needed to get lunch so I started walking back to the car and was thinking, man my blood pressure is going to be so low they will think I'm flatlining. No stress was building in me.
I went to grab a quick lunch at the Lazy Loaf and Kettle. Ordered my lovely pancreatic friendly two poached eggs on dry toast. As the crowd was large it took some time for the lunch to arrive. Eggs were the best I have ever tasted, as was the toast.
At this point you are thinking ya, that Jim is getting carried away with his spirituality. How could poached eggs and dry toast be the best ever. Well, it turns out they had salt on the eggs and butter on the toast...it's been a while and holy jumpin that was good. I ate the crust as the butter is an issue, the salt not so much.
Remember, my last two and a half months have been dedicated to getting the pancreas in check - I was willing to eat egg whites and toast every day all day if I could get there. So I mean it when I say it was the best lunch ever.
At this point I am falling way behind. Was supposed to meet Tracey at our usual parking spot below the big hill at Tom Baker, but due to my tardiness she had already gone ahead. I got to the hill, ran up it, caught up to Tracey and walked in to my meeting.
Low blood pressure was kinda shot, and I was a bit outta breath.
But I was there and ready to discuss how I had worked really hard to get my Lipase levels down. I really wanted to start on these drugs. Please please let me start I was ready to plead.
My Lipase was at 94. I was given permission to start on the Nivulomab.
Happiest moment ever. The two oncologists left the room. Tracey and I high fived, hugged and had the biggest smiles on our faces. Together we had gotten past the past 2.5 months and finally was making it to the Recliner Sessions.
Perspective is funny isn't it. We were so thrilled that I was given permission to start a cancer session. A session that has considerable side effects. A session that entails bi-weekly blood tests, oncology meetings, and sessions where you sit in a hospital hooked up to an IV.
One of my greatest days. And I smile as I type this.
Hard to fight positivity.
And a huge smile.
And salt on your eggs and butter on your toast.