How are you feeling?


Ever wondered what it feels like to go from week to week, month to month, wondering what is going on in your body with respect to cancer?  

So far I have done a great job of ignoring it. I take my drugs, I try to treat my body well, I get rest and I stay positive.

It's all fairly easy for me to manage as I have a plan and stop thinking about it all. But after you get a cat scan, no matter how good of a job you are doing, all the question demons start to surface.

Is it growing? Is it receding? Am I on the right track?

And if something weird happens, like this morning I noticed a bunch of patches of weird skin thingy's - what is that? Or how come I am winded when I just walking up the stairs?

Stupid scan knocks me off my game.

On Friday I had a cat scan and had scheduled a meeting with Dr. R on May 17th to review the results. We actually had to work around our schedules as I am planning a sea kayak trip with my high school and University buddies leaving on the 18th. I figured positive or negative, a trip with my pals was the perfect way to process the answers.

Well, today I got a call from a nurse at the Tom Baker and after the hello's she asks "how are you feeling?".

Well if that isn't a gut punch of a question. You just know that she's not asking in the casual 'how's your day?' kinda way. She's asking cause she's staring at the results.

So when I respond with 'I'm fine - but your question leads me to believe I'm not fine, what's going on?' she kinda stalls and changes from a gut punch to an anxiety punch with "sorry but I am not at liberty to discuss'. Damned if that doesn't suck the wind out of your positive attitude.

I now have a meeting on Wednesday to discuss the results and subsequent plans with the oncologist. I have been given hints in this conversation that we may need to look at different drugs, may need a whole new plan...

So, this just happened an hour ago, it has of course knocked me off my autopilot and now I am looking at everything with a shorter timeline. Which is kinda good again, but at the same time who knows what this meeting is all about so I am not going to change too much.

What I am going to do is go upstairs and enjoy a pint cause my tastebuds don't suck as much as that conversation did.

Stand by folks - let's see what this all means.

Enjoy the two days while we pause for commercial break.


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