How you feeling?

As you can imagine I get the question of "how you feeling' quite a bit.

Normally I am pretty honest and you will know how I feel - but I always throw a layer of positivity on top of the answer. It's who I am and how I am dealing with the cancer.

However, as it relates to that particular question, today was a very interesting day.  I was a bit out of my element when people asked me how I was today.

I was feeling pretty fricken awesome. 

And while I was loving it, it was a bit foreign to me.

I hadn't taken Sutent since December 8th. Dr. R. and I decided I could take a drug holiday around Christmas so I had always planned on shortening the next session. 

Then I got pneumonia and have been on antibiotics for 7 days.

Today was my first real drug free day. So when people asked me how I was feeling I was a bit outside of myself. Two times I caught myself answering with "is this how the rest of you feel all the time, holy cow this is great, consider yourself lucky."

I compare this feeling to the moment when you have kids and you realize that people that don't have kids are kinda big wusses. You see when when they say they are busy or tired, well, they really don't get it. They don't know busy, they don't really know tired and to be fair it's not far off the boiling frog syndrome. It's the slow boil of change that gets you. You need that big jolt to make you understand something big is happening. That's what kids do. 

And that's what today did. It made me realize how seriously awesome being drug free can feel.

I'm chasing this feeling like a teenager. With blind. Reckless. Abandon.

And yes, I am fully aware that at some point I am going to regret this...but that's another post and another moment in time.

Not this Jim's problem (said with teenage angst and hair flip).

PS I'm not going back on the immunotherapy till about the 28th (guessing).

The drug holiday season

Bag Balm